What can I do if I am in an abusive relationship?

Leiran Gibson consent, dating and partners, healthy relationships

Advice for getting help and support if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship

In my last article, I talked about the different kinds of abuse a person can experience, and some of the signs and symptoms of an abusive relationship. Now that we’ve covered the many kinds of abuse that can take place, if you feel like you are being abused or know someone who is in an abusive relationship, here are some steps you can take.

1. Speak up

As hard as this may seem, talking about what is happening to a friend, family member or someone you trust and feel comfortable enough to talk to can help. It can help take a weight off your shoulders. It also makes the person you have told aware of the situation, and aware of what might happen if the abuse gets worse.

If you do not feel comfortable talking to anyone you know, there are lots of places you can go to talk to a professional, and get free confidential advice. This brings me onto step two.

2. Seek professional advice

There are many helplines you can contact to receive confidential support. Here are some organisations and charities that have a helpline where they offer support and guidance for people experiencing abuse:

Childline: provide free confidential advice and support for all young people up to 19 years old. Whatever your worry, Childline counsellors are here to help. Speak to them by phone, online or email 24 hours a day.

National Domestic Violence Helpline: a helpline run Refuge, a charity supporting women and children experiencing domestic abuse.

Men’s Advice Line: a helpline for male victims of domestic abuse, run by Respect.

Galop: have a helpline for LGBTQ+ people experiencing abuse or violence.

3. Start planning

If you have been experiencing abuse for a while, it might seem as though there is no escape from the person who is abusing you. But once you’ve spoken to someone, and you’ve gotten professional advice, it’s time to take action. So, here are a few things that you can do to prepare yourself, if the abuse gets worse.

Have a safe word – if you’ve told someone about what’s happening, it might be useful to have a safe word. The safe word can be anything, such as “pineapple”, or “mister” – but whatever word you choose, it must be a word that you and your trusted person both understand. So if you feel like you are in danger, you can say your safe word and your friend can intervene.

Keep an emergency bag – if you feel it is unsafe at home, you can always keep an emergency bag full of essentials in a safe place such as at a friend’s or family member’s home. You can fill it with stuff like your ID, enough money to travel back home, medication, spare clothes and toiletries.

Memorise important phone numbers – it can be helpful to memorise phone numbers, such as your parent’s number, your best friend’s phone number or your colleague’s phone number. That way, if you don’t have your phone on you, you can always contact someone using a payphone or someone else’s phone if you need to.

Call 999 – if an abusive situation escalates, please don’t hesitate to call 999. Although nobody likes to make a huge scene by calling the police, this could help reduce the chance of a situation becoming worse.

4. Separation

If the relationship is not getting better or if the abuse is escalating, it’s important to be ready to remove yourself from that person entirely. But before you do anything drastic, please let someone you trust know your plans to make sure you don’t leave without any support.

Finally, it’s important to remember that there is always hope. If you are being abused or you know anyone who is in an abusive relationship, help is available. Click here for a list of resources. If you ever feel in immediate danger, you should call 999.