15 tips for coping with transphobia
No one should have to deal with hostility towards their identity, but here’s some tips from our committee of trans+ young people on how to cope
The current climate in the UK can feel incredibly hostile towards trans+ people. Because of this, we may find it difficult to live as our authentic selves. We may not always feel safe or confident to express our gender identity in public, online, at school or at work.
It’s not okay that trans rights are treated as a ‘debate’, and it’s not acceptable that anyone is discriminated against based on their gender identity.
We can’t individually fix all of these problems overnight. But what we can do is support ourselves and each other to cope with the different types of transphobia we may face in our lives. In this piece, our committee of trans+ young people has come up with some tips for dealing with living in a society that can feel incredibly hostile towards trans+ people.
Looking after our own wellbeing is the most important thing, and it always helps to know where to turn for support if we need it.
Tips for coping with transphobia in society
💙 Know that however you’re feeling is valid. It’s sadly a ‘normal’ reaction to feel uncomfortable and overwhelmed by the hostility towards trans+ people in the UK.
💙 Remember that the most hateful people are a loud minority. While it can be easy to focus on the loudest voices, especially when these are coming from people with a lot of power and influence, remember that there are lots of accepting and supportive people out there too. Find people, accounts to follow, organisations that can remind you of this. Fill your social feeds up with these. Literally write it on a big piece of paper and stick it to your mirror if it’ll help!
💙 You don’t have to share anything about your identity if you don’t know whether someone’s an ally and you’re not sure it’s safe. This is entirely up to you.
💙 If you’re unsure and want to know about someone’s attitude towards transness, try testing the waters with generic questions that might give you an idea of where they stand. For example, you could comment “they’ve got a gender neutral toilet here” and see how they respond. To avoid discussing your identity directly, you could also use examples of people in the public eye. For example, “I’ve been enjoying Umbrella Academy, Elliot Page is really good in that isn’t he?”.
💙 Speak to people you trust about how you’re feeling. Identify those trusted adults you know you can turn to when you’re struggling. You could even create a support group with friends or family members where you can all discuss and share your feelings.
💙 Create to process. Singing, making your own music, dancing, drawing, painting (and many others!) are all great creative outlets to help you process what you’re feeling.
💙 Know where to go if you need further support.
Tips for dealing with transphobia online
As more and more of us are spending increasing amounts of time online, it’s worth thinking about how we can cope with any transphobia we might face in digital spaces.
We know online spaces can be a lifeline for trans+ young people in particular. There are opportunities to find community, peers, older role models, education, support, validation and hope. So, what can we do to look after ourselves online?
📱 Try to limit time spent online reading about transphobia. Find a balance that works for you between being informed about what’s going on in the news, without going down a rabbit hole of hate and feeling overwhelmed by the negative voices out there.
📱 Make use of social media functions, such as blocking or restricting accounts that share hateful content. You can also mute certain words to restrict the content you see about specific topics.
📱 Find trusted and reliable media representation that shows trans+ people in an unbiased way, without harmful stereotypes or misrepresentations. For example, Erin in the Morning. There’s a lot of misinformation and bigoted content out there – make sure you’re seeing the supportive, validating content too.
📱 Put yourself first. Try not to feel guilty for not wanting to read yet another article, or post about something a transphobe has said or done. It’s important to challenge transphobia when you can, but “when you can” is the focus. Not everytime. This is where allies can come in. It’s not your responsibility to fix all of the world’s problems. Plus, you’ll be much more effective at challenging bigotry when you’re feeling fully rested and recharged.
📱 If you do want to call out transphobia (only if you feel safe and have the energy), know that you’re doing a lot for other trans+ people as well as yourself. We can do this for each other. It always feels better to see someone has your back, rather than see hate unchallenged. Humour and empathy can be useful tools here. A lot of the transphobic arguments thrown around are full of misinformation. If there are moments where you can laugh at them, do! Laughing can take bullies’ power away.
📱 Despite recommending humour, calling transphobia out, and other tips, take a moment to think about what you need. We all respond differently. Some days will feel easier than others. If laughing feels impossible, that’s okay. Figure out what works for you, and be aware that this may change depending on the day, feelings or experience.
📱 Follow social media accounts that are inclusive and joyful. Fill your feed with messages of trans joy to remind yourself of all the ways your identity makes you wonderful. Give yourself some trans+ joy!
📱 Know where to go if you need further support.
You’re not alone
Whether you’re having to manage transphobia in-person or online, or both, take some time to build community. Having a strong support network that you can rely on is important, and will very likely help a lot.
We know it’s incredibly challenging to grow up in a society where your identity is challenged, mocked or even denied. We hope these tips help you get through some of those challenges. But if you’re feeling worried about the effect transphobia is having on your life, or you have concerns about your mental health, there are places you can go for further support.
This article is part of our “Am I Trans?” Translating Sex, Identity & Relationships content series: supporting trans+ young people to access sex and relationships education that is relevant to their experiences and needs. Discover the full series here.
We use the term trans+ in our articles as an umbrella term intended to incorporate all transgender, non-binary, agender and genderfluid identities.
Some of the content addresses potentially triggering topics, such as transphobia and gender dysphoria. We’ve added specific content warnings to these pieces, but please take a moment to check in with yourself and how you’re feeling before diving into the series.
Other support
- Discover the full series
- Support & resources for trans+ young people
- Switchboard helpline – for anyone, anywhere in the country, at any point in their journey to discuss anything related to sexuality and gender identity
- Gendered Intelligence – Knowledge is Power resource for young trans+ people
Read more
Last Reviewed 22 April 2024
Image Credit: Lisett Kruus via Pexels
