How to communicate in relationships
It can be hard to say what we mean, so here’s three tips for communicating with anyone about anything
All relationships need good communication, whether theyโre romantic relationships, friendships, or with family members. Communicating in a way that helps everyone feel heard and appreciated doesnโt just happen by accident โ itโs often a skill we have to learn. So here are three tips on how to communicate well in any kind of relationship.
1. Listen
Sounds simple, right? Obvious, even. After all, if youโre having a conversation and someone else is talking, that means youโre listening. Except, this isnโt always how it works. We may think of listening as something that just kind of happens. One person talks and you hear their words and we think thatโs how listening works. But actually listening is something that you do actively and requires more attention than we think.
For example, have you ever been really annoyed or upset by something big? Like your family or friend did something that really upset you. But instead of talking about that issue, you find yourself complaining to anyone whoโll listen about something small, perhaps that the bus didnโt stop on time. The bus isnโt the issue here, the big family or friend dilemma is.
Itโs the same with relationships. If your partner is worried that you donโt spend enough time together, but instead complains that they dislike your friend, maybe thatโs not what theyโre actually trying to say. If you listen, you may be able to tell that this isnโt something your partner would normally say, and ask them whatโs up.
This is a hard skill, because sometimes it includes listening out for what someone doesnโt say, and asking them if they want to talk. If someone is saying things that seem a bit off, you may want to check in and see if something else is going on that they’re not talking about. It might feel like hard work, but itโs a way to having more meaningful conversations, without misunderstanding each other.
2. Say what you mean
This can help the person whoโs doing the listening. If youโre saying the exact thing you mean (as in, โIโm worried because we donโt see each other and it makes me scared you donโt like me as much anymoreโ), rather than glossing over the issue (โwhy do you never like my pictures on Instagram?โ), then the person youโre talking with knows what the issue really is.
Itโs difficult. It means you have to put yourself on the line a little bit and sometimes picking an argument over something insignificant feels easier. But, remember, communication is about work. A difficult or awkward conversation that actually gets you closer to resolving your problems is worth more than fifty arguments started instead.
3. Don’t wait, but take a breath
Itโs never good to bottle up your feelings about something. If you have an issue, itโs best to talk about it when it first crops up than leaving it to become a much bigger problem in your mind. But do make sure youโve thought a little bit about what youโre going to say. Donโt launch straight in with a blame-game. But also donโt talk about it straight away if itโs something that makes you really angry. Approach the situation when youโre calm.
Work together to improve your communication
Communicating well in relationships and friendships can be difficult. Everyone communicates in slightly different ways, and sometimes we aren’t honest with how we feel, which can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Remember it’s not one person’s responsibility to fix any communication issues in your relationship. Both of you need to work together to improve your communication.
So next time a conversation isn’t going exactly how you planned, try out one of our top tips and see if it helps. Good communication doesn’t just happen, it requires work, but it’s so worth the extra effort. If you can practice these three tips, your communication skills may improve, and, hopefully, your relationships too.
Other support
- How to have a good argument
- How to deal with peer pressure
- Telling your friends how you feel: ‘I love you, bro’
- Brook – Communication
- Relate – Communication
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Last Reviewed 19 July 2022
Image Credit: Priscilla Du Preez via Unsplash