How to support someone who is considering an abortion

Richie Benson friendship, pregnancy and abortion, sexual health

If someone tells you they’re considering having an abortion, it’s because they trust you

There’s a lot of advice out there for people considering an abortion (the NHS and Sexwise are both great places to start) but where can we find out how to best support those people? After all, we want to be the most active and understanding friend or family member that we can be, right?

Abortion has been legal in the UK since 1967, and an estimated one in three women in the UK will have an abortion by the time they are 45. Sometimes, even people who are against abortion might decide to have an abortion if they get pregnant and don’t want to be – and that’s okay too. The most important thing to remember is that everyone has the right to choose, and everyone has the right to confidential and safe medical treatment.

Note: not all people who have an abortion, or the choice of an abortion, are women or girls. Non-binary people, trans men and other gender non-conforming people may want and/or have an abortion. The statistics above reflect women’s experiences, but it’s not just women who can have an abortion.

Chances are we’ll all know somebody who will have one or will consider having an abortion. So, here are some tips to help you be as supportive to that person as you can be:

Don’t pass judgment

The person is considering an abortion. No matter how much they tell you, you’ll never know the full set of circumstances that they’re living with, or what’s happened in their life that has brought them to this point.

Keep checking in with them

Although abortion is a very safe procedure, that doesn’t make it easy, nor is it simple. It can take a serious toll on a person’s body and mind. So, while a one-off chat might allow you to play the role of a friendly ear or sounding board, don’t stop there. Instead, use this conversation as a springboard for ongoing support and keep checking in with them to see how they are.

Don’t jump in with your opinion on what they should do

It’s their body and ultimately their decision. Even if you offer an ear and they choose not to accept it, remember that it will help them to know that you’re there if they need you.

Remember that it’s not your decision

It’s not your body, so it’s not your decision – it’s as simple as that. Your role is to support that person, not take the lead on an extremely important decision for them.

Help them to find accurate and reliable advice

In order to find more information that may be more specific to the circumstances that you’re dealing with, you might need to do some of your own research too. So take some time to log on and look around. And remember that when you find it, don’t ram it down someone’s throat; instead, use it to help signpost them.

If you think a person may need professional support, here are some places they could go:

Call British Pregnancy Advisory Service (BPAS) on 03457 30 40 30
Call National Unplanned Pregnancy Advsory Service (NUPAS) on 0333 004 6666
Call Marie Stopes on 0345 300 8090 – or email them at services@mariestopes.org.uk

Treat everything with confidentiality

There’s a reason this person has chosen to confide in you about the fact that they’re considering having an abortion – it’s because they trust you. So, don’t break that confidentiality.