LGBTQ+ and in a difficult family situation? Here’s what to do

Alice Hiley asexuality and aromanticism, bisexuality and pansexuality, feelings and emotions, gay men, lesbians, pandemic support, trans+ and non-binary

Even during the pandemic and lockdowns, there are places to go for help

This content was originally part of our Pandemic support series: to address the chaos and uncertainty of the COVID-19 pandemic, and to support young people with navigating this difficult time.

Although many of us may feel we’re now in a post-pandemic era, this content will still be relevant to lots of people. There are still many people who rely on communicating, building relationships and accessing support online, whether they continue to shield from COVID-19, have long Covid, or have any other chronic illness that means they have to limit in-person social contact. There are still lots of reasons why we may need some extra support right now, and no one should feel excluded from society or unable to access the support they need.

If you’re dealing with a difficult family situation, or know someone who is, here’s a handy guide to help you through. The pandemic – especially its lockdowns – has forced many LGBTQ+ young people to move back to their family home, and returning to difficult family situations can be really tough.

Why is it difficult to be LGBTQ+ in an unsupportive home?

Young people in these situations may have to deal with difficult differences of opinions. You may face abuse including taunts, mockery, aggression or even silence. This can all increase loneliness and stress, potentially triggering mental health issues. On the more extreme end, family members might refuse basic needs, like food, heat and shelter, or they might be physically abusive. None of this okay. Any kind of harm, discomfort or abuse is unacceptable. You shouldn’t have to deal with it, and it’s not your fault. If this is you, you’re not alone. Here are our top recommendations for where you can access support as an LGBTQ+ young person living in a difficult family home.

Where can I go for support?

Whether there’s a lockdown happening or not, you can always access support, and there are many brilliant LGBTQ+ counselling services and chatlines available. Some of them are text services, so you don’t need to worry about having the privacy to be open.

Switchboard has a dedicated LGBTQ+ helpline, led by LGBTQ+ people, running daily from 10am-11pm. The service includes a text option too.
The LGBT Foundation also runs a helpline for those needing support. Their lines are open 9am-9pm on weekdays and 10am-5:30pm on weekends.
Through Pink Therapy you can find a counsellor whose sexuality and identity matches your own.
Galop’s LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Survivors Forum is a safe, anonymous space for people who have been affected by domestic abuse and violence. You can read the forum discussions without joining. If you want to, you can also join in the discussion, and connect with others.
SHOUT is a free, anonymous text support service. Text 85258 when you’re struggling to cope.

And if the situation worsens, AKT provides LGBTQ+ homeless people with emergency support. Housing, food, phone top-ups and support from a mentor is available.

How do I support a friend or family member?

If you know someone who’s stuck in an uncomfortable or unsafe home environment, there are lots of things you can do to help. Direct them to the helplines and services above, as well as offering them a listening ear, even via text or email. Depending on current restrictions, you could organise a distanced meet-up to give them time away from home.

Encourage them to speak to a professional or helpline about what they’re going through. Remind them that as awful as it is, this is not their fault and they won’t be in this setting forever. Have a listen to these young trans people’s experiences of the pandemic, some of whom have found themselves back in tricky family situations too.

Discover Fumble’s pandemic support series

The pandemic has had a huge impact on all of our lives, and we’ve all struggled to understand and digest the changes that continue to happen all around us.

Our pandemic support series explores young people’s experiences of COVID-19, and helps you start to make sense of the chaotic and uncertain time we’re living in. Discover the full series here.