People with disabilities have sex (and enjoy it)

Charlotte Miller disability and neurodivergence, pleasure, sexual intimacy

People with disabilities have fulfilling sex lives, but are often perceived as being asexual.

First up – not all disabled people are the same. There are a lot of different disabilities that affect a person’s ability and desire to have sex. These include physical and intellectual disabilities. But we tend to treat all disabled people in one way: as if they can’t and shouldn’t have sex. Not only is this wrong, it’s insulting. People with disabilities have a right to consensual (and enjoyable) sex and relationships. Of course there are some people with disabilities who either can’t or don’t have sex. That’s totally fine. But let’s not lump everyone together and assume that all people with disabilities don’t have sex. Because they do, it’s as simple as that.

Sex ed for disabled people

Able-bodied people may think that disabled people are not having sex because it’s something that is rarely discussed. This false idea is often supported by the fact that the topic of sex and disability is not included in sex education at school. Like everyone else, disabled people should have sex education where they can learn about sex, sexuality, relationships, their bodies, gender identity, consent, and protection from sexual abuse.

Myth busting

There’s a bunch of myths about people with disabilities having sex, so let’s debunk them.

⚡️ Disabled people are asexual

Being asexual means that someone feels little or no sexual attraction to other people. It’s totally okay and common to be asexual, but it’s not okay to assume that people are asexual purely because they have a disability. Disabled people are sexual beings, just like everyone else. They have sexual desires and needs. This includes masturbation, having sex, and being in relationships. Ultimately, the decision to be intimate is down to the individual alone, and nobody else. Some disabled people will be asexual and some won’t.

⚡️ People with physical disabilities can’t have sex

While some people with certain physical disabilities may not be able to have sex in some positions, that doesn’t mean they can’t enjoy alternatives. Sex, after all, is different for everyone. With patience and some adjustments, you’ll have the sex you want.

Also, don’t forget that you can express sexual desire through other activities, such as kissing, massaging, touching and oral sex. These behaviours fall under the banner of ‘outercourse‘, which is basically any non-penetrative sexual activity.

⚡️ Disabled people only have sex with each other

Having a disability doesn’t make you less sexy or sexual. Remember, people with disabilities can have sex or relationships with disabled or able-bodied people.

⚡️ People with physical disabilities aren’t active during sex

Being disabled doesn’t mean you just lie down during sex. There are many ways to actively have sex. For example, you can use props like swings, sliding chairs, or a wheelchair. Sex is different for everyone. With practice, you’ll figure out how to have the sex you want. Here’s some advice from people who use wheelchairs during sex.