Understanding masculinity and why everyone is talking about it

What does it mean to be a man today? Here’s why you should get to define masculinity for yourself

“Be a man”, “man up”, “grow a pair”. If you identify as a man, or even if you don’t, then you’ve probably heard those words at least once in your life. We all know what those phrases mean: it’s only girls and women who are allowed to have emotions, right? Wrong.

If we wrote it down, we would all have our own perception of what a ‘real man’ should be, but apparently there’s only one true definition of masculinity.. Also wrong. So, SO wrong.

The ‘rules’ of masculinity

There are some rigid rules that society’s made up about masculinity that seem to decide the way boys and men should think and act. Let’s call it a consequence of patriarchy. And these patriarchal rules read a little bit like this:

😢 Don’t cry (especially not in public!)

✋ Don’t ask for help

💪 Don’t show weakness

🙅‍♂️ Don’t talk about your feelings

Are these sorts of rules useful to you? Or to anyone? Nope!

In short, we’re being taught to mistrust or ignore our emotions, which has nothing to do with biology and everything to do with the way we’re brought up with the expectations of society around us.

You may have seen things on social media, and in the news about masculinity. That’s because masculinity, and its definition, is changing.

Masculinity in transition

The definition of masculinity is changing because as a society we are thinking and talking about this more. We’re the ones who get to define masculinity today, not those that came before. And the next generation will be able to do the exact same, and change it again if they want to. Essentially, masculinity can be whatever we want it to be, so surely it makes sense that it is something positive, and free from stereotype or expectation, right?

You might have heard that masculinity is under attack, there are no ‘real men’ anymore, or that all guys are just awful. This can feel overwhelming, and while we need to address the problems that come with society’s expectations of men, identifying as a male can be awesome!

However, masculinity can come with some extra baggage that’s worth noticing, because you might be carrying a lot of stuff around that you don’t need. Stuff that’s getting in your way, and other peoples’ way. There are, without a doubt, negative behaviours that men are taught they have to follow in order to be ‘proper’ men, such as bottling up emotions or refusing to talk about their feelings. These have plenty of negative consequences for everyone else, but also for men themselves.

We’re always learning

You’re not expected to figure this stuff out overnight. It takes times to unpick societal ideas that we’re surrounded by and are normalised. Some of the conversations around masculinity that are taking place today could inform your thinking in 10, 20, 30 years. But it’s never too late (or too early) to rethink what you’ve already been taught.

This Gilette advert highlights some of the ways our perceptions of masculinity is changing, and how you can challenge the beliefs we’re taught about what it means to be a man.