Vaginal sex

Emily Burt consent, pleasure, sexual intimacy, vagina and vulva

When we think about sex, there can be a lot of focus on vaginal sex and penetration – here’s how to make it pleasurable and fun

What is vaginal sex?

There are so many different ways to have sex, and exploring what you do and don’t like sexually is a constant, ongoing process. Vaginal sex, or vaginal intercourse, is the type of sex that involves a penis going into a vagina. If this is something you want to try, or if you’ve tried it and want to make it more pleasurable, we have some basic pointers.

Consent is sexy

The first and most important stage of vaginal —or any other kind of— sex, is that both you and your partner consent to everything that you’re doing. Despite the common idea that sexual consent is about saying a simple yes or no, it often feels much more complicated than that. We all have different communication preferences, just like we all have different sexual desires and boundaries. Some people are great at saying an outright yes or no, but a lot of people aren’t. Luckily there are lots of ways to communicate what we want or don’t want, for example: different ways to say no, or communicating through body langauge.

Everyone deserves a sexual partner, whether that’s in a long-term relationship or a casual hook-up, who shows genuine care towards them. The more thought that goes into communication, building trust and considering each other’s feelings, the better the sex will be, and the more fun you’ll have together. Ultimately, sexual consent is about care and checking in.

Focus on foreplay

Not only is foreplay a lot of fun, but it’s also an important part of making you both aroused. Unless the vagina is fully aroused and wet, vaginal sex can be both difficult to achieve and a pretty uncomfortable sensation. Think: friction! So before you go diving straight in, take some time to explore what feels good together. You don’t need to rush straight to penetrative sex.

For a lot of people with a vagina, arousal has no direct link to how wet they feel. They might feel super turned on, but their body won’t necessarily show it. Regardless of whether you’re wet or not, lube is your friend. There’s a huge range of lubricants to choose from, and there’s no shame in using them. They make sex more pleasurable, so give them a shot.

In the reverse way, being wet doesn’t necessarily mean that person is aroused and wanting sex. Physical signs of arousal, like being wet or having an erection, don’t replace consent. Make sure to check in and look out for those positive signs of body language instead, like smiling, being responsive and pulling you to them, touching/kissing you back or moving closer to you.

How do I have vaginal sex?

Once you’re both aroused, it’s a good idea to put a condom on the penis to prevent unwanted pregnancy and protect you both against STIs. Do this before the penis goes anywhere near the vagina, as pre-cum, or pre-ejaculate contains sperm, so there’s a small chance you could get an STI or become pregnant from pre-cum.

If you want to use lube, put some near the entrance of the vagina. Make sure the lube is water-based if you’re using condoms, as oil-based lubes break down the latex in condoms and this will cause holes/ripping. Then when you’re ready, gently open (or ‘spread’) the labia and insert the head of the penis into the vagina. Take it slowly at first, there’s nothing worse than pushing too hard too fast. Then move at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you. And remember to communicate! If it’s painful or uncomfortable, tell your partner, and slow things down.

Switch it up

There are loads of different positions for having vaginal sex. Some positions give easier access to the clitoris during sex, and others allow for a greater depth of penetration. If you’re having vaginal sex for the first time, you may find the missionary position (where one of you is on top of the other) is the easiest to start with. As you get more comfortable with sex, figuring out what works for you can be a lot of fun.

Winding down

When you decide to stop having sex —which can be whenever you choose, not just when one or both of you have cum/ejaculated or orgasmed— gently remove the penis from the vagina. If you’re using condoms, hold the condom at the base of the penis while you take it out to make sure no cheeky sperm leaks out. Then tie a knot in the top of the condom, wrap it in tissue and throw it in the bin. It’s also a good idea for both of you to go for a wee after having sex, to help prevent contracting painful urinary infections such as cystitis.

Always remember that good sex is a learning process: understanding what feels good for you, understanding how to communicate that, as well as what feels good for the other person and how they communicate that. Even people who have been happily shagging for years have hilarious and awkward moments. So try not to worry about ‘getting it wrong’, but enjoy exploring and learning!