Vaginal sex

Emily Burt consent, pleasure, sexual intimacy, vagina and vulva

When we think about sex, there can be a lot of focus on vaginal sex and penetration – here’s how to make it pleasurable and fun

There are so many different ways to have sex, and exploring what you do and don’t like sexually is a constant, ongoing process. Vaginal sex, or vaginal intercourse, is the type of sex that involves a penis going into a vagina. If this is something you want to try, or if you’ve tried it and want to make it more pleasurable, we have some basic pointers.

In this article, we’re using the term ‘vaginal sex’ to describe sex where a penis goes into (or ‘penetrates’) a vagina. This is often referred to as penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. This definitely isn’t the only type of sex out there and you can find out more about lots of different types of sex here. If you’re also wondering how sex toys fit into all this, we’ve got you covered – have a read of our article here.

Consent is sexy

The first and most important stage of vaginal – or any other kind of – sex, is that both you and your partner consent to everything that you’re doing. Despite the common idea that sexual consent is about saying a simple yes or no, it often feels much more complicated than that. We all have different communication preferences, just like we all have different sexual desires and boundaries. Some people are great at saying an outright yes or no, but a lot of people aren’t.

Luckily there are lots of ways to communicate what we want or don’t want, for example: different ways to say no, or communicating through body language. It’s a good idea to talk to your partner about your boundaries BEFORE you have sex. But remember, consent is an ongoing conversation, so keep checking in with each other throughout.

We’re all worthy of our sexual partner(s) showing genuine care towards us. That goes for whether we’re in a long-term relationship or a having a casual hook-up. The more thought that goes into communication, building trust and considering each other’s feelings, the better the sex will be, and the more fun you’ll have together. Ultimately, sexual consent is about care and checking in.

Focus on foreplay

Not only is foreplay a lot of fun, but it’s also an important part of making you both aroused. Unless the vagina is fully aroused and wet, vaginal sex can be both difficult to achieve and a pretty uncomfortable sensation. Think: friction! So before you go diving straight in, take some time to explore what feels good together. You don’t need to rush straight to penetrative sex.

For a lot of people with a vagina, arousal has no direct link to how wet they feel. They might feel super turned on, but their body won’t necessarily show it. Regardless of whether you’re wet or not, lube is your friend. There’s a huge range of lubricants to choose from, and there’s no shame in using them. They make sex more pleasurable, so give them a shot and take some time to work out what you like sexually and what turns you on.

On the flip side of this, being wet doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is aroused and wanting sex. Physical signs of arousal, like being wet or having an erection, don’t replace consent. Make sure to check in and look out for those positive signs of body language instead, like smiling, being responsive and pulling you to them, touching/kissing you back or moving closer to you. If you’re ever unsure, just ask your partner how they’re feeling. It’s all about communication!

How do I have vaginal sex?

If you’re having vaginal sex, it’s a good idea to put a condom on the penis to prevent unwanted pregnancy and protect you both against STIs. Do this before the penis goes anywhere near the vagina. Because pre-cum (or ‘pre-ejaculate’) contains sperm, there’s a small chance you could get an STI or become pregnant from pre-cum.

If you want to use lube, put some near the entrance of the vagina. If you’re using condoms, make sure the lube is water-based, as oil-based lubes break down the latex in condoms and this will cause the condom to tear. Then, when you’re ready, gently open (or ‘spread’) the labia and guide the head of the penis into the vagina. Take it slowly at first, there’s nothing worse than pushing too hard too fast. Then move at a pace that’s comfortable for both of you. And remember to communicate! If it’s painful or uncomfortable, tell your partner, and slow things down.

Switch it up

There are loads of different positions for having vaginal sex. Some positions give easier access to the clitoris during sex, and others allow for a greater depth of penetration. If you’re having vaginal sex for the first time, you may find missionary position (where one of you is on top of the other) is the easiest to start with. As you get more comfortable with sex, figuring out what works for you can be a lot of fun.

A lot of people with a vagina won’t orgasm from vaginal sex alone, and may need clitoral stimulation too. So don’t worry if this sounds like you! But that doesn’t mean it can’t be pleasurable. Remember: orgasm isn’t the only goal of sex – it’s about having fun and finding out what you enjoy.

Winding down

When you decide to stop having sex – which can be whenever you choose, not just when one or both of you have cum/ejaculated or orgasmed – gently remove the penis from the vagina. If you’re using condoms, hold the condom at the base of the penis while you take it out to make sure no cheeky sperm leaks out. Then tie a knot in the top of the condom, wrap it in tissue and throw it in the bin. It’s also a good idea for both of you to go for a wee after having sex, to help prevent contracting painful urinary infections such as cystitis.

Always remember that good sex is a learning process: understanding what feels good for you, understanding how to communicate that, as well as what feels good for the other person and how they communicate that. Even people who have been happily shagging for years have hilarious and awkward moments. So try not to worry about ‘getting it wrong’, but enjoy exploring and learning!

The brilliant sexual health charity Brook has created this series of videos to reassure you that less-than-perfect sex is a lot more common than you might think! Have a watch below.